you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
