I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
