ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
