is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
