I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
