Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
