i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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