new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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