You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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