walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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