boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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