Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
