she woke up with a sticky ear
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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