Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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