That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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