he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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