i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
