You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
