You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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