Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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