Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
