You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
