is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
sex in a hospital.. check
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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