at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
zippers are such a cool invention
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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