he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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