Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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