I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
