So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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