Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
