I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
