I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
