After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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