I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
