So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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