My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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