I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
