I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
