I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
