I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
