I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
