It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
