How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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