So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
