My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
