WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
