from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
