Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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