Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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