Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
