peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
